Don't you want me as a bridesmaid?

So I'm in a wedding in a few months, and I'm going to a bachelorette getaway this weekend. I made my demands clear. I will not do this:

and I plan to come to the wedding dressed like this:



My demands are simple and finite. Like the rules of hair care. Thanks Elle, my yoda of choice.
Also, Sami, I got you this. Enjoy your non-anatomically correct gift.