Friday, August 29, 2008

I know this guy.

So this blog chronicles the exploits of random gentlemen. I happen to know the fine gentleman featured in this story. Troubling? Spectacular? You be the judge. But he can can come to my wedding anytime.

Crime Scene: A Gentleman, A Wedding, A Smashed Glass

There’s no telling what a gentleman will do when he comes to town, and often times uninitiated locals sadly interpret his skillful maneuvers and expert socializing as actions of the offensive and highly inappropriate variety. Take for instance the ancient art of smashing champagne flutes at a wedding reception so that the dance floor is littered with shards of vein-cutting glass. To the poor soul unaccustomed to celebrating in the presence of such greatness, the gentleman’s actions can be misinterpreted as those of a dangerous, rabble-rousing drunkard, leaving nothing but carnage in his wake. But what these provincial people fail to grasp is that the gentleman — despite only adhering to the rare, non-denominational religion of the gentleman — was long ago ordained as a Rabbi (though he refused circumcision in favor of felatio), and thus his glass-smashing is merely a Jewish salute to the newly married WASP couple. Remember, once a gentleman enters the scene, all boundaries, whether religious, racial or marital, crumble. Mazel Tov!

Going4Broke: i love Pete’s photos

Going4Broke: They make me laugh out loud literally

ScotchChucker: haha me too

Going4Broke: everyone was hammered

ScotchChucker: good to look back and realize we were that shitfaced

Going4Broke: I know

ScotchChucker: someone said you were smashing glasses with your feet?

ScotchChucker: till the maid of honor told you to stop

Going4Broke: I think someone has a video of it

ScotchChucker: that would be incredible

Going4Broke: because someone said, “do it again! I want to video it!”

ScotchChucker: hahahah

ScotchChucker: did you just put a cocktail glass on the dance floor and slam your foot down on it?

Going4Broke: Well, it all started when the band stopped playing and announce there was glass on the dance floor. I was standing at a table on the grass with someone and proceeded to smash a glass on the ground and yelled “THERE IS ALSO NOW GLASS IN THE GRASS”

ScotchChucker: hahahahaha

Going4Broke: I did it again and said “There is more glass now”

Going4Broke: then “someone” told me to do it again so they could videotape it

ScotchChucker: priceless

Going4Broke: which is when the maid of honor got really mad at me and said, “we have to pay for those”

Going4Broke: I was like, “Field and Muffins aren’t going to be happy when they hear this story…”

ScotchChucker: haha nope

Going4Broke: I bet Field hates me after that night

Going4Broke: I was completely redic

ScotchChucker: one of my last memories of the night was standing at the bar ordering a scotch on the rocks….when Fitzpatrick comes around bobble heading and spills his drink on me….so i just turn right around and throw my full scotch on his crotch and turn around with the empty glass and say “Can I get a scotch on the rocks”

ScotchChucker: Muffins DEF hates me

Going4Broke: HAHAHAHA

ScotchChucker: especially after her mom tells her she had to carry me out of the reception

Going4Broke: yeah. her parents don’t know what hit them. We were a category 5 hurricane without insurance.

ScotchChucker: it was FAYnomenal

Going4Broke: NICE

Going4Broke: I just got re-embarrassed thinking about things I did that night

Going4Broke: I ate taco bell in my room with Buffy Crawford at 2AM.

ScotchChucker: ha….my other last memory is dancing with Buffy Craw…..and spinning and shit then stopping to wipe the sweat off my face and her just saying “oh god, gross” and that ended our dance

ScotchChucker: you hook?

Going4Broke: hahahaa

Going4Broke: nope

ScotchChucker: nice

Going4Broke: I took my shirt off and she was like “what are you doing?!”

ScotchChucker: Tryyyyyingh to Fuuuuuuuck

Going4Broke: I responded, “I paid for the room so I’ll do whatever I want”

Going4Broke: she went to sleep and ran out of the room at 6AM

ScotchChucker: I am surprised she could resist such a fine specimen of a man-creature

ScotchChucker: ok post lunch dump

ScotchChucker: brb

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Lost puppeh.

Alright, so my Mother is a chronic chain emailer. I don't even know where she gets them from. Mostly they are inspirational stories about how much we should all love each other, but every now and then a comedic gem gets passed my way. Exhibit A:

"I know most of you are dog lovers and will help us.
Our neighbor has lost her Chihuahua and is desperate
to find him. She does a lot of traveling and always takes
her dog with her. Yesterday, she was s
itting on the couch
watching TV. She called out for her puppy with no response
The back
door was open.
She's been putting up signs everywhere.
If you see this dog, please let me know and I will notify her.
Your help
would be greatly appreciated!"

Friday, August 22, 2008


This just became mine. I am so excited.

Look at the tuners! Porpoises!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008


Have Jackie give you a tour of the White House and her restorations.

In the spirit of the Olympics, the premiere competitive sport.

Young American Bodies.

Interesting webisodes, definitely worth a look.

Get your kicks where you can.

"Pilot (after landing plane in New York): American Airlines welcomes you all to foggy Ottawa, and we hope you had a pleasant flight.
Everybody on plane: Huh? What!
Pilot: Whoopsies, I mean New York City, JFK. (under his breath but still audible) I should drink less."

For the fencer.

He's flying!

Who's it gonna be.

They would obliterate the competition. No, but really.

Congratulations Aislinn!

Love the cons.

Ready for fall.

I want this skirt so badly I could spit.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa.

Vampire Weekend. Amazing.

MGMT, rock on.

Spotted. I don't watch that much TV, but apparently this blog is evidence to the contrary. Who cares.

I. Love. Gossip. Girl.

There, I said it. Judge away. But how can you not love this?

And my three favorites:

My one true love.

Rose Conrad, Laugh Riot.

"When I came to the United States and I saw all the women wearing dresses that were off the shoulders, I asked my husband, “Are they all strippers?” That’s the impression I got. And now I have the same impression of the young girls, all these years later. Why do women wear short dresses where you see the panties, when they have fat legs? You have to know how you look. I can wear short dresses because I have nice legs, but that’s beside the point."

They're back.

Get ready for more worthless conversations and awkward silences. Ultimate guilty pleasure.
"First of all, homeboy is not cute. I don’t know what you’re all into. I can see ribs. I like a little meat on my man." -Lauren
Amen sister.

No wonder he didn't win.

The Boss Man.

Land of Paprika and the Buda Castle.

Budapest, Hungary: Visitors rest in the tent of a 3-D Luminarium installation by British designer Alain Parkinson at the Sziget festival in the Hungarian capital.

Check it out.

A picture is worth a thousand words--or nine.

I wish I worked here.


Michael Phelps. 8th Wonder of the World.

Labor Day, all play no work.

Headed to our nation's capital for the upcoming holiday.

"I leave you, hoping that the lamp of liberty will burn in your bosoms until there shall no longer be a doubt that all men are created free and equal."
- Honest Abe

Book Club is Glorious.


My new televised obsession.

Oh to be Joan.

I know where I stand.

I think we all respond to that.

What a bunch of Hooligans.

Leatherstocking Tales.

"I'm bringing 3 Plavix chairs
and 1 chair with no medical affiliations."

Moccasins: Society Approved Slippers and the finest footwear around.