Friday, August 29, 2008

I know this guy.

So this blog chronicles the exploits of random gentlemen. I happen to know the fine gentleman featured in this story. Troubling? Spectacular? You be the judge. But he can can come to my wedding anytime.

Crime Scene: A Gentleman, A Wedding, A Smashed Glass

There’s no telling what a gentleman will do when he comes to town, and often times uninitiated locals sadly interpret his skillful maneuvers and expert socializing as actions of the offensive and highly inappropriate variety. Take for instance the ancient art of smashing champagne flutes at a wedding reception so that the dance floor is littered with shards of vein-cutting glass. To the poor soul unaccustomed to celebrating in the presence of such greatness, the gentleman’s actions can be misinterpreted as those of a dangerous, rabble-rousing drunkard, leaving nothing but carnage in his wake. But what these provincial people fail to grasp is that the gentleman — despite only adhering to the rare, non-denominational religion of the gentleman — was long ago ordained as a Rabbi (though he refused circumcision in favor of felatio), and thus his glass-smashing is merely a Jewish salute to the newly married WASP couple. Remember, once a gentleman enters the scene, all boundaries, whether religious, racial or marital, crumble. Mazel Tov!

Going4Broke: i love Pete’s photos

Going4Broke: They make me laugh out loud literally

ScotchChucker: haha me too

Going4Broke: everyone was hammered

ScotchChucker: good to look back and realize we were that shitfaced

Going4Broke: I know

ScotchChucker: someone said you were smashing glasses with your feet?

ScotchChucker: till the maid of honor told you to stop

Going4Broke: I think someone has a video of it

ScotchChucker: that would be incredible

Going4Broke: because someone said, “do it again! I want to video it!”

ScotchChucker: hahahah

ScotchChucker: did you just put a cocktail glass on the dance floor and slam your foot down on it?

Going4Broke: Well, it all started when the band stopped playing and announce there was glass on the dance floor. I was standing at a table on the grass with someone and proceeded to smash a glass on the ground and yelled “THERE IS ALSO NOW GLASS IN THE GRASS”

ScotchChucker: hahahahaha

Going4Broke: I did it again and said “There is more glass now”

Going4Broke: then “someone” told me to do it again so they could videotape it

ScotchChucker: priceless

Going4Broke: which is when the maid of honor got really mad at me and said, “we have to pay for those”

Going4Broke: I was like, “Field and Muffins aren’t going to be happy when they hear this story…”

ScotchChucker: haha nope

Going4Broke: I bet Field hates me after that night

Going4Broke: I was completely redic

ScotchChucker: one of my last memories of the night was standing at the bar ordering a scotch on the rocks….when Fitzpatrick comes around bobble heading and spills his drink on me….so i just turn right around and throw my full scotch on his crotch and turn around with the empty glass and say “Can I get a scotch on the rocks”

ScotchChucker: Muffins DEF hates me

Going4Broke: HAHAHAHA

ScotchChucker: especially after her mom tells her she had to carry me out of the reception

Going4Broke: yeah. her parents don’t know what hit them. We were a category 5 hurricane without insurance.

ScotchChucker: it was FAYnomenal

Going4Broke: NICE

Going4Broke: I just got re-embarrassed thinking about things I did that night

Going4Broke: I ate taco bell in my room with Buffy Crawford at 2AM.

ScotchChucker: ha….my other last memory is dancing with Buffy Craw…..and spinning and shit then stopping to wipe the sweat off my face and her just saying “oh god, gross” and that ended our dance

ScotchChucker: you hook?

Going4Broke: hahahaa

Going4Broke: nope

ScotchChucker: nice

Going4Broke: I took my shirt off and she was like “what are you doing?!”

ScotchChucker: Tryyyyyingh to Fuuuuuuuck

Going4Broke: I responded, “I paid for the room so I’ll do whatever I want”

Going4Broke: she went to sleep and ran out of the room at 6AM

ScotchChucker: I am surprised she could resist such a fine specimen of a man-creature

ScotchChucker: ok post lunch dump

ScotchChucker: brb